My poor neglected blog. What can I say? I just have not had the energy and when my energy came back I was busy making up for lost time.
As of today I am 14 weeks 6 days and feeling amazing most of the time. Yay! I started to regain my energy slowly starting around 12 weeks. At that time I was finally released from my RE. It was a weird day. I was so excited that I was graduating but Sean was not able to make it which made me sad. I never really bonded with any of the nurses and my RE has a weird autistic like personality, so it was an awkward goodbye. Whatever, I am just glad he is good at what he does!
At 13 weeks I had my second OB visit. Two days before I had yet another bleeding scare followed by more brown discharge. My RE just told me its normal but never really gave me a reason. It really gave me anxiety not having a reason. It just made my worried mind go all over the place. Finally my OB was able to give me a reason at my visit. I have a low lying placenta. Booooooo!!!
Its really not the worst diagnosis but it still sucks. The majority of the time it moves up as the pregnancy progresses. A small percentage of the time it will go the other way and become placenta previa. I just had a follow up visit yesterday and after two weeks its still low lying. I go back in another two weeks to check on it again. I was super bummed yesterday to find out it was still low lying. I have had no bleeding so I was hopeful there was movement. So for the foreseeable future I am on pelvic rest AKA no sex and taking it easy. My dream of a fit pregnancy is fading fast! But hey, I would rather be put on bed rest and have a healthy baby than work out and end up with another bad outcome.
Other than the low placenta everything appears to be very healthy and I am beyond grateful for that. I have been feeling increasingly excited about this pregnancy and very seldom letting my fear get in the way of enjoying it. I think a lot of my fear was released when I made my facebook announcement. I was terrified to go public and it took a few weeks for me to find the strength and just let go of all the what ifs. After the announcement I received so many lovely well wishes that made me so glad I let that fear go. This baby deserves to be celebrated and I will continue doing my best to make sure that happens. This is the announcement I made. Thank you pinterest!
I’m quite proud of my work. lol
And here is baby boy at yesterdays visit.
It was a great ultrasound. He was moving around so much and I am just always so amazed at how much he changes in such a short amount of time.
I haven’t taken any bump pics yet but I am planning to this weekend. I hate to say it but I am a little insecure about how large I am. Its a mixture of this being my second pregnancy, constipation, and bloating. I am also starting to gain a lot of weight. I have been giving into ALL of my cravings and I need to get my shit together! My goal for my second trimester is to eat as healthy and organic as possible. Not just to avoid excessive weight gain, but for the health of my baby. I must say though, I kind of hate it when others tell me to relax and I will lose it later. Ummmmm…losing baby weight is hard damn work! As I found out the first time around. I don’t plan on being too hard on myself or stressing out though. I am well aware that with the holidays coming up I may have to cut myself some slack.
Well thats it for now and I hope to not go 5 weeks without blogging again.
9 weeks! It actually feels like a milestone for some reason. I am so close to being out of the awful first trimester and it cannot come fast enough! All I do is sleep. Seriously, thats pretty much it. During the week I go to sleep at 9 pm and sleep until 7:30 am. Luckily, I work from home so I just basically roll out of bed and work 4 hours, then I take a nap on my extended lunch break. After my nap I work another 4 hours and then its another nap before dinner. After dinner I manage a few hours of vegging in front of the tv before I am asleep for the night. Meanwhile, my house is a disaster!!! Sean has been helping out here and there but unfortunately it hasn’t been enough. Especially with the puppy. Our backyard is basically just dirt where grass is supposed to be and they spend the day tornado-ing through it and then dragging it all in the house with them. And I don’t know what it is about dogs and drinking water. Why doesn’t it stay in there mouth! They come in all dirty, get water everywhere, and then dirt turns to mud. They are lucky they are so cute! For right now I am just trying to stay relaxed and keeping in mind there is an end in sight. We are getting bids on new sod which will take care of the dirt and soon my energy should be returning. With my first pregnancy I felt energized again around 14 weeks and it lasted until the very end of my pregnancy. I really can’t wait to feel human again. Thankfully I have experienced very little morning sickness. My version of morning sickness seems to be just really bad food aversions. Its a daily struggle to find anything appetizing to eat. I know there are a few bloggers out there who have experienced awful sickness and I really feel for you. I can’t even imagine how hard that must be 😦
Other than exhaustion and food aversions, my only other real symptom has been spotting and cramping. Its been pretty much non-stop for over two weeks. My doctor has assured me its nothing to worry about but its very hard not to. I get anxiety every time I use the bathroom like I am just waiting for another bleeding episode. Its just plain scary. This pregnancy is already scary enough and I really could have gone without the added worry! As of this past Thursday baby boy is still going strong though, getting bigger and bigger!
I’m officially in love. ❤
Other than my spotting worries and my constant daydreaming of bringing this baby home, the only other thing that has weighed heavily on my mind this past few weeks is my angel Emily. This past Monday marked two years since I met her and said goodbye all in the same day. I’ve been replaying many memories in my mind and they are just still so painful. I honestly don’t think I am anywhere close to being at peace with her loss and I don’t think I have been allowing myself to grieve the way I should to find that peace. A lot of that stems from my battle with infertility and all of the struggles over the last almost year and a half to get pregnant again. When I think back to May 2014 when I did my first FET only eight months after my loss, I really don’t think I was quite ready. I was fresh with grief and fragile. So when that positive test turned into a chemical pregnancy I just wasn’t able to cope well. In order to move forward I had to in a sense lock away my grief over Emily. I put up walls to cope with all that had happened and all that lay ahead with IVF. I have come to the realization that I may very much need therapy to sort through this emotional mess I have become. I’m not so sure now is the time though. For now I think I will just keep on doing what I am doing and focus on having a healthy pregnancy. If anything I may need a support group for pregnancy after loss.
Thats all I have to report for now and I am going to try to keep this blog updated every week despite my fatigue. But before I go here are a few pics in remembrance of my daughter and the amazing pregnancy experience I had with her. She will always be my first baby and my only daughter. I will miss her forever.
What a crazy exhausting weekend it has been! It started with with bleeding and cramping yesterday morning that lasted until this afternoon. Thankfully the bleeding was very light but unfortunately the cramping had me very alarmed. I called the doctor this morning and they were able to get me in at 11 am. Once I got there and signed in I had to wait an additional 25 minutes until I was called back. Normally that wouldn’t seem that long, but when you are waiting to find out if your baby still has a heartbeat, that is a LONG 25 minutes. I was panicking big time. Luckily I was called back by one of the nicest nurses. If it was bad news she would be who I would want to be there. I made a pretty big mistake and went to have this ultrasound alone. In retrospect I realize it was a very bad idea. The problem was that Sean had a big day at work and today was my best friends birthday. I did not want to worry anyone as crazy as that sounds. Thankfully the ultrasound went great and baby looked perfect with a strong heartbeat. As soon as the nurse said there is the heartbeat I just let out a sob and started crying. After fearing the worst there are no greater words than “there is the heartbeat.”
They could not give me a reason why I was experiencing bleeding and cramping and all they could say was that baby looks great. As I walked out the door tears just flooded my eyes. What a crazy emotional morning. The first thing I did after I got in the car was call Sean to give him the update. I could hear the anxiety in his voice as he asked how it went. When I told him all as well he let out a big sigh and said he doesn’t think he is going to be able to make it through this pregnancy. Frankly, I don’t either. I just hope that this was the last big scare and things will go smoothe from here on out.
As for now, my bleeding has stopped and my cramping has eased. Baby is good and mom and dad have minds at ease.
Whew..let’s hope the work week is less eventful!
Well Shortly after my post earlier I began cramping and bleeding. The cramping is mild/moderate and the bleeding is light. It feels almost like a period. I called my dr right away and the nurse said there was nobody there to do an ultrasound. She said it happens sometimes and everything is fine but if I am freaking out they can give me an ultrasound tomorrow morning. Well I’m freaking out now and I don’t know if I can wait that long!! I’m debating on going to the ER. I already know they will give me no info and diagnose me with a “threatened miscarriage”, but at least I can find out if there is still a heartbeat. I really don’t know what to do and I am just so scared. Please God let my baby be okay!
We have a heartbeat!!!!!!
There are just no words to describe the relief I am feeling. We actually had our ultrasound on Thursday morning before work. It was such a nervous feeling getting ready that morning, thinking to myself… Will today be great? Or will today be filled with devastation and an inability to get through the work day?
I am so grateful that it turned into a great day. The heartbeat was visible immediately and the best part was that we actually got to hear it too. Sean and I both had tears fill our eyes. It felt so surreal to be in that moment that we have been waiting so long for. Since the ultrasound I have felt more excited. This is actually starting to feel real to me! Here is a pic of my lil guy. Its amazing how much happens in just one week. Next Thursday will be our 8 week scan and I can’t wait!!
We are finally into the ultrasounds! Yesterday was my second. I did not post last weeks because there really wasn’t much to see. It was just a sac. I wasn’t at all nervous about last weeks. I just knew with my beta levels there had to be a sac in there. Here is my 5 week scan-
Now yesterdays scan was a different story. Sean and I were a nervous wreck. After twin blighted ovums in January it was hard to imagine that this time would be different. When we got to the office our doctor was way confident. Like there was no chance of anything but good news. Sometimes I wonder if he and his nurses have any idea about or remember my history. They all seem so surprised every time I voice
worry. Luckily they were right and everything looked great! As soon as I saw the yolk sac I just let out a big sigh of relief. After the doctor left the room I looked over at Sean and he had tears in his eyes. It was a very sweet moment, knowing we really have a baby growing in there. I don’t know what the future holds, all I know is its NOT a blighted ovum this time. We are so grateful!!
So my doctor seems to have an agenda with these ultrasounds. He wants to see what he needs to see and that is it. I know 6 weeks is early for a heartbeat, but its possible. He did not even try to look, measure anything, or explain anything. As soon as he saw the baby he froze the image. I swear before he did I saw some activity. But then again maybe it was just wishful thinking. I go back Friday for my big 7 week aka the heartbeat scan. Its going to be a LONG week.
As far as symptoms, the nausea really kicked in today. I ate taco bell last night (I know, I’m terrible) and I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. My first thought was that I got food poisoning and I panicked thinking it would hurt the baby. It wasn’t until I ate some breakfast and felt better that I put two and two together. I’m also feeling extreme exhaustion. No complaints here! Just wondering how the hell I am going to survive work the next few months. We have major changes going on and our productivity is being monitored closely. Crap.
Thats all for now, fingers crossed we have a heartbeat on Friday!!!
This morning I went in for my last beta and it all went pretty much the same as Monday. I panicked all morning into the afternoon until I got the call.
And the verdict is?…2,743!!!
Is it just me or is that really high? If I had transferred two I would be convinced its twins. But since I only transferred one I am just hoping it’s a sign of a healthy pregnancy.
Surprisingly, tomorrow is my first ultrasound. I am used to having to wait until 7 weeks so I am pretty excited. My doctor does a weekly ultrasound every week through the first trimester and starting the 8th week they begin to record it on a DVD. How awesome is that?!!
The only part I am not excited about is the cost. Each visit from here on out is around $200. I received an email from the billing department last night to plan on budgeting around $2,300 for my first trimester care. Say what??!! I about fainted. I was so mad I thought about saying forget it and just calling my OB. Umm, she is free. This morning I realized that I really really want a weekly ultrasound and I am willing to pay for that piece of mind. So it begins tomorrow. Today I made it over another hurdle, the betas. Next up is seeing a heartbeat!
One more thing before I go. I am really hoping my last post did not contain a pic of me with a grumpy face. I added it with the intention of writing a funny story behind it but then changed my mind and deleted it. On my end it still shows the pic! So if you can’t see it please dismiss. If you can, well than I am embarrassed! LMAO
Today was the big beta #2 and man oh man was I a ball of nerves this morning/afternoon. I had my blood drawn in the morning before work and I expected results before lunch time. I was a nervous wreck for obvious reasons and because I had a lot on my plate with work today and I was terrified I would get a call that my levels were dropping. How then would I continue a productive work day? um yeah, wouldn’t happen.
Lucky for me it was great news! My beta went from 486 to 1,149, so it slightly more than doubled!! What a huge relief and one more hurdle we’ve gotten over. I felt really emotional about it after I hung up with the nurse. I just cried, and cried, and then cried some more. They were tears of joy mixed with tears of fear and apprehension. It felt like it was the first time I let my guard down in a while. My wall is still up but it came down just a little today. I want to believe in this pregnancy so much. I want to believe my little man is a fighter and will make it to my arms. Today I came a little closer to that.
Wowza!!! I was expecting a beta number around 200 so I am extremely happy!! I guess there really is no rhyme or reason to these beta numbers. If this doubles like it should it will actually be higher than my last beta at 14dp when I had two implant. Is it weird that I am secretly hoping for identical twins? lol
As far as symptoms, I guess I spoke to soon yesterday. I woke up this morning with more cramping and then later on I got the oh-so-scary symptom of spotting. I know, I know…its normal blah blah. But does anyone spot during early pregnancy and actually feel relaxed about it? My hats off to anyone with that much confidence. I have also been hit with some extreme tiredness right now. Its total bad timing because my sister is on her way and she is going to take one look at me and know I am pregnant! lol
I will probably just tell her. I am over the moon to be over one more hurdle. 🙂 wooohooooo
Today I am 9DP5DT and took my (hopefully) last test this morning. This has been my progression over the last 5 days.
Tomorrow is beta and I am finally feeling somewhat relaxed and confident. I say finally because I have literally been a POAS lunatic the last 5 days (yes I took more tests than the pic above). I learned two things: 1) A positive test one day does not bring any confidence into testing the next day, a chemical pregnancy may strike at any moment! 2) Do not test more than one time per day unless you are absolutely sure you have waited long enough and do not have diluted urine. I went through that one yesterday. I tested at 11 am and then for some odd reason tested again at 3:30 pm and the line was slightly lighter. I really got myself worked up on that one, let me tell you.
So basically I am happy to be done with the pee tests and move on to the next obsession…betas.
My symptoms have been pretty non-existent thus far. I get fatigued off and on throughout the day but nothing major. I have had a few mild headaches and the cramping I was experiencing has pretty much disappeared. Sounds great, right? Not really. I take comfort in increasing symptoms so I am really hoping to become nauseated and exhausted very soon. Seriously, only an infertile woman would understand the desire to feel as shitty as possible!
In addition, I decided to come clean to my family today about having already done my transfer. I did not tell them about my positive test though. I had planned to keep it a secret until after the ultrasound but I can’t avoid people and faking normalcy is only going to be getting harder by the day. My Aunt and sister were very excited and were fascinated by our embies first pic 🙂
Thats all for now, stay tuned for the big beta number tomorrow ;p